Hour of Slack #1773 – The Cruise Ship X-Day

Hand-drawn vector illustration with all seeing eye of God on an open palm. Human hand with eye of Providence in the triangle, esoteric symbols, magic runes, alchemical signs and the words Trust no one

((Cut Dave’s diarrhea and Memory Pants. )) Vet sign: “Wash Your Paws.” Dave turns it into Scrub Your Parents Down. Talking about X-Day with various SubGeniuses… X-Day will be in two weeks on a CRUISE SHIP. Suddenly other old people started wearing masks. Forgetting much easier than forgiving. Forgiving doesn’t matter once you forget. Stang wants Alzheimer’s pills for his memory. What if no one can travel in July? And everybody’s broke. All the bartenders and waiters broke… Home-delivery strippers in Portland called Boober Eats. The Xists know our addresses; we don’t have to be at some campground; can Rupture in Place. Let a Thousand Little X-Days Bloom. (X-Day possible cancellation slogans.) Or could use teleconferencing and Stay Home to Know What you Really Think. Too Much TP is always better than not enough. Fully paid trip to X-Day IN YOUR OWN HOME! Some are going nuts trying to live like Stang has for 30 years. World ended not with banging on highways but a whimper. Papa Joe Mama’s letter about X-Day — the Con designed this disease so none of us can escape! What would “Bob” do? Everything now resembles NEIGHBORWORLD! – everybody on the Internet ALL THE TIME. Teleconferencing with SubGeniuses. Zoom and security problems. Pretty dark and dismal and will get worse. Stang coaches Dave’s speech. “I already got the chance to get old but some may not.” There’s a generation between Boomers and Milleniards that hates both of them. The smarty-pants quit reproducing. Stang and Dave reproduced. Grandkids going nuts stuck at home, using Kid Messenger. The time a photo of Stang’s bruised veiny forearm was interpreted by FB AI robots as a foreSKIN. Funny foreskin jocularity. Some at home might READ, but instead they’re texting. Background music is Wendy Carlos doing Brandenburg Concertos #2 Allegro. Caca soto means quiet poopoo. Stang can’t draw or sing but can splice sentences together. We need to grow oil wells. Dave had natural gas since he was six. YourMommaDid, is that like a thermometer. Fanciful coronavirus cures. Fox should be sued for their virus disinformation. The cure: Joining the Church of the SubGenius. You may not live but you’ll go to a better Hell that prepares you for SubGenius Heaven. Our local hot spot is the nuclear power plant. Hundred of out of towners are coming for annual repairs so the locals are paranoid. Drive-in services at the Cowboy Church. Stang’s love of cowboy gospel music. REAL gospel is great whether black or cowboy. European tourists go to African American churches in South Carolina for the atmosphere. Stang’s Pappy used to stand outside black churches to hear the singing when he was a kid — and was still singing them in 2015. Child Pappy and Black churches. Now it’s illegal to have a church service unless streaming. But there’ll be fewer Republican voters soon. Trump rallies, gun shows, NASCAR to “pwn” the libtards. Stang only READS news. McLuhan’s weird baloney is okay, it’s his fan club… bad as members of the God fan club. Jesus, how could I judge him if he didn’t exist, The census now: Are you a Mexican? What kind? Actually what kind of Hispanic? Stang’s answer regarding ancestry: British Isles/Neanderthal. Or say Denisovan to throw ’em off. Monkeys use tools. Fish use tools. Octopuses are the smartest and they don’t even have bones. But it’s okay to eat them because they’re cannibals. As SubGeniuses we won’t say who’s smart, just who’s the most fun! Smart gets you nothin’ but misery. They let prisoners out in Ohio – non murderers over 60 – not in Texas. Might let rapists and junkies out but not pot smokers or abortion havers. Obviously the powers that be are taking advantage of this chaos to lock down their permanent regime of right wing white supremacy. Erasing every single scientific advance – hate anything scientific because it’s related to libtards. What can they do bt hate? They aren’t equipped to do much else. Senators cashed in on the disaster and everybody forgot. “The President so crappy that America ran out of toilet paper.” It’s going around like other things that are going around. Stang’s mild early hoarding. Just buying one extra every time. Dave’s stash is only for a week. Stang’s, a month. Need TWO months. We have soap — TRIOLOGY SOAPS! With Dobbshead inside! Description of of Triology soaps. Stang hates the deoderent chemical smells. No prob as a 3-pack smoker. Now can’t stand the detergent aisle. We may have had it already and didn’t know. Stang’s 3 friends who had all the symptoms in December and flunked flu test. Stang doesn’t touch anybody but his dogs and two old ladies. Stang’s not a socialist distancer. “Who needs public anything? Libraries? Roads?” Russia, China, Germany Cambodia… these things happen when all the uneducated people decide to throw everybody with glasses or bilingual into mass graves. Autocratic regimes everywhere. We’ll be totalitarian dictators on our own spaceships two weeks fom now on the X-Day Cruise Ship! It’ll be PACKED! Stang preaches against Devil Virus televangelist-style. 60% of those pew-packers won’t be voting! So old and obese. Poebucker details: Monskoes (skinny poebuckers) and Quaints (obese poebuckers). Not fat shaming, but poverty and morbid obesity. Dave’s Confederate neighbor in uniform and holding AR-15 in front yard. He’s a nobody but he’s got a GUN! Who’s the dumb one. “Democrats don’t have guns or motorboats.” They’ll be surprised when they discover not only did a lot of libtards have guns but they’re CRACK SHOTS! All Stang has is the Sword of Bob, an old smelly pipe. If no men, no wars — but in world without men, some women would fill the niche! ARMY OF FERAL HOGS attack! Wei just arrived. We’re eating cyanobacteria Nostoc. Tastes like what it grows on. Should grow it on ice cream. Welcome, Wei. Wei’s mic has an on button, Mic 1, the good one. Want Dave on streaming parties, but like GGG he resists computer shit. Talking to another idiot is what the Church of the SubGenius is all about. SubGenius radio problem of talking over each other; Zoom forces people to have manners. Rawhide time for Buddy. The dogs keep us to a very tight schedule. The dogs program us as much as we do them. Ramus and Remus. Onan biz about the Angel of Death sent away temporarily by Dobbsheads. Did I read all this stuff last week? Maybe I do have Alzhiemers. X-Day not cancelled, but camping outlawed now. Many people defying safety due to Trump crap. There is a silver lining – a lot fewer Trumpers in the coming months. The IDIOCRACY documentary. Fuddruckers and Boober Eats. In the country of the Blind the One Eyed Man is King, but none of us have one eye. And the two-eyed person is FUCKED in that country. Details of “In the Country of the Blind” by H. G. Wells. Stang on Wells. Emergentiles = Morlocks, Rewardians = Eloi. Nice Eloi and Mean Morlocks. Morlocks/Eloi Rewardian/Emergentile rant. We only take one in ten. Most SG are Rewardians; only one in 10 CAN be Emergentiles. Dave worried about time on his phone. Always send copy of show and a tiny little check. Dave’s dirty word: Opthamology. Wei’s precocious sentence at age 1, Stang’s at age 2. Dave solved all the world’s problem at age 7! But only for about one minute, then the world got back to normal. When The Others run out of food they’ll visit the neighbor with a veg garden but no guns. Our peed-on straw bale garden. Curing disease by drinking own pee. History of Bob Nelson show. There’s no one at WCSB, programmed remotely. University shut down. Praise the millions of stations that carry this show. Buddy is eating Mr. Bill’s arm. Wei has Mr. Bill’s voice box that Claudia pulled out. Dave leaves. Sign-off. She chewed up Mr. Bill’s brain! Let Mr. Bill’s ghost never haunt this house

INTERNET-ONLY BEGGING. Dave’s GoFundMe link – CLEVELAND HOUSE AD! Now only $109,000. Hard-sell house ad. Rev. Cosmac could fix Mr. Bill’s brain. Praise of Cosmac’s crazy ways of building futuristic magic from ancient electronics. His lit-up glowing white mannequin that talks back to you via AI with glowing nipples. Made with 1950s transistors. When Horizon Zero Dawn world comes he’ll thrive. MONEY FOR US! Minister ad. What if you get a disease? Can’t get on the Saucers unless a descendants save you posthumously. Retroactive Memberships. Xists and dead people. Can bring dead to life but like Pet Semetary. Spend $ at Desc. of Memb Pack. Frameable documents and starable art. Tree of Knowledge. Pamphlet ad. Stang dies on the air.

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